Kill a Bandit from behind with a melee attack. "Good for you. Coward."
Get 50 Dual-Wield Six-Shooter kills. "Now all we need is the spaghetti..."
Shoot 30 potted plants. "Just sittin' there, bein' all green and stuff. They were askin' for it!"
Blast all hanging beef. "Udder destruction? Steaking a claim? Beating your...I can go on all day."
Kill all butcher shop enemies with headshots. "You're not PAYING for ammo. Feel free to use more."
Shoot and destroy 30 fire extinguishers. "Extinguishers. They're not just for fires anymore."
"What? No multiplayer? Sigh. Well...not like we can take the achievement back NOW...."
Beat the game on Minor Hazard. "Sure you won...my GRANDMOTHER could win on 'Easy!'"
Meet Quentin. "DUDE!!!!!"
Defeat Wally Wellesley. "Like I said..."
Get 50 Plasma Rifle kills. "Plasma rifles. They're not just for Space Marines anymore."
Get 50 Shotgun kills. "That was a blast!"
Defeat Sting Sniperscore yet AGAIN in Level 7. "I. Have had. Enough. Of YOU!!"
Blow up 50 explosive objects. "Hey...I didn't pay for 'em. Why should I care?"
Get 50 Sniper Rifle kills. "Zoom, pow! Right to the moon."
Kill an enemy with an explosive and take damage. "It'll hurt me more than it hurts...never mind."
Get 50 Energy Pistol kills. "Blaster? I hardly know 'er!"
"What do you mean the interrogation feature was cut?!? Here...just take the achievement."
Defeat Altos Tratus. "Forecast for the next level: no more clouds."
Kill 25 enemies using blind fire. "Sorry. Didn't see you standing there."
Get 50 AK-47 kills. "They might be socialists, but they make a pretty good gun."
Defeat the Tentacle Beast of Tramm. "One-two shot right to the tentacles."
Watch the credits. "Hey...aren't they the guys who made that cool noir detective game?"
Get a kill with every available gun. "The developers put all those guns in the game for a reason..."
Get 50 SMG kills. "You would think this one would have been automatic. Get it? Automatic? Nothing?"
Escape from Dexter's mansion. "I gotta get me a house like THAT!"
Get 5 melee kills in a row. "Not as fast as shooting...but it sure is satisfying."
Perform 10 single-hit melee kills. "In Hazard Land, the hand can be used like a knife."
Score 20 single-shot Zombie kills. "Don't these things usually hang out in shopping malls?"
Score two headshots with one bullet. "Eat lead...both of you!"
Score 100 headshots. "Don't lose your head! Oh...too late."
Defeat Sting Sniperscope again in Level 3. "Your present ends now. Again."
Pause the game. "Hey...come back here and play!"
Destroy 20 cover objects. "I know it's a waste of ammo...but I LOVE that de-rez effect!"
Get 50 Hazard pistol kills. "Frag you."
Defeat General Neutronov. "From Hazard, With Love."
Score 50 headshots. "That's using your head!"
Beat a level without dying. "Eight million corpses in this level...and you're not one of them."
Defeat Sting Sniperscope. "Your present ends now."
Defeat Sonny Tang. "Sonny, YOUR ass is kicked!"
Score 20 headshots. "A shot in the head is worth two in the chest."
Defeat an enemy using melee combat. "I don't need a stinkin' gun to deal with YOU!"
Complete all of the in-game tutorials. "Like I had any choice..."
"Thanks for buying my game. I'm sure you'll enjoy it. -- Sincerely, Matt Hazard"
Collect 20 Hazard pickups. "Maxx Karnage...sounds like a cool action hero name."
Collect 20 Master Shields. "It's not like I was afraid of dying...I just wanted the achievement!"
Beat game on Major Hazard. "Well...at least you didn't have it set to 'Easy...'"
Beat game on Maximum Hazard. "You've done this before, haven't you?"
Don't let any dance bots die in Level 2. "Do dancing robots dream of disco sheep?"
Kill three Testers with one grenade launcher shot. "Test the grenades: check!"
