Complete the tutorial.
Find an abandoned white baby.
Find all the abandoned infants.
Find an abandoned black baby.
Find an abandoned hispanic baby.
Find an abandoned asian baby.
Find an abandoned alien baby.
Die in every possible manner in the entire game.
Die in every possible manner in and around the Airport.
Die in every possible manner in the Slums.
Die in every possible manner Downtown.
Die in every possible manner in the Suburbs.
Die in every possible manner in and around the Park.
Die in every possible manner in the Docks.
Die in every possible manner in and around the Hockey Rink.
Die in every possible manner in Little Italy.
Die in every possible manner in Little Tokyo.
Die in every possible manner in the Commune.
Die in every possible manner in Hipton.
Die in every possible manner in the Business District.
Complete all of the clown quests/ Lose your soul.
Burn down a free clinic.
Find and return the Holy Grinder to Hobo Bob.
Logophobia: A fear of words. Rush through every storyline.
Complete the Politician storyline in less than an hour.
Complete the Hobo storyline in less than an hour.
Complete the Lady of the Night storyline in less than an hour.
Complete the Mafia storyline in less than an hour.
Complete all storylines.
Complete the Hobo storyline.
Complete the "Lady of the Night" storyline.
Complete the Mafia storyline.
Complete the Politician storyline.
Take the coward's way out.
Thoroughly investigate 500 unique objects or people.
Speak To/Lick/Kiss/Eat 500 unique objects or people.
Look at 500 unique objects or people.
Touch 500 unique objects or people.
Ruin a poor nun's day.
Reach a critical clown mass.
Bring about the Clownpocalypse.
Meet each of your predecessors.
Inadvertently blow up the world.
Complete the hobo cypher on hard mode.
Become an "Informant" for Special Agent Flash.
Get mauled by a bear.
Unlock all achievements.
Discover the Stone Monkey Studios office.
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